Dear FedEx, F!#$ YOU!!!
It never ceases to amaze me how much FedEx can fucking fail. They’re logistics department has got a complicated job, yes. They’ve got to get packages from Point A to Point B (which can be next door, across the country or around the world) in a timely manner on the cheap. From what I can tell, they do a decent job of it. The problem is the “last mile” as we call it in technology. Their delivery guys are fucking useless mother fucking idiots. It isn’t like this is the first time either. Hell, I’ve even got photographic evidence of their stupidity.
What is it this time you wonder?
You’re probably asking yourself, what the fuck does “Unsuitable location” mean? Fuck if I know. Fuck if FedEx’s customer disservice knows either. I’ve been at my current location for 2 years now; I get a LOT of packages. I do most, if not all, of my shopping online. I get boxes via USPS, UPS, FedEx, DHL and even the occasional off brand delivery group. I’ve never had a goddamn issue with the delivery folks leaving packages on my doorstep. Until this week…
This past Wednesday saw the release of Final Fantasy XIV, something I have been very anxiously awaiting. I had it pre-ordered on Amazon MONTHS ago with delivery date shipping. I rush home just as quickly as I can Wednesday evening expecting a package at my door. What do I find? Woohoo, there’s a box from Amazon sitting on my front door. Oh, and a FedEx door tag, don’t know what it could be for though, since I am not expecting anything signature required. I happily rip open the box to find… BluRays. So… the door tag… is for Final Fantasy XIV.
Now, the door tag says something strange. It says “Unsuitable location”. Well fuck you, I beg to differ. There was a package. On my doorstep. FROM UP-FUCKING-S. Why is my doorstep not good enough for you FedEx? You some kind of fucking elitist pricks now? The day before, the United States Postal Service left a package at my doorstep. A package that was sent FedEx SmartPost (which is slower than shit BTW).
I figure, this all must be some misunderstanding, so I call up FedEx Customer Service. I ask them why the package wasn’t left – they didn’t know either. I explained to them that this had never been a problem before, they had no idea. Now, I was polite, very polite. It must be some misunderstanding after all. The lady was very nice and put down a note that the package SHOULD be delivered, name, phone number, etc. I thought that was the end of that.
But by the fact that I’m writing YET ANOTHER POST ABOUT HOW MUCH FEDEX FUCKING BLOWS, you know that this didn’t end there. I came home Thursday night to find… you guessed it, yet another fucking door tag. Yet again, it is labeled “Unsuitable Location“. Now, I can understand if I’m being sent an iPhone, something signature required or something insured. But I’m not. It’s a fucking video game. Yes, it’s dumb – but it’s my hobby and I’d like my goddamn game.
So I called FedEx Customer Disservice and got jerked around. “Oh, it’s an apartment”, no… it’s not. “Oh, you just have to sign for it”, but it’s not signature required – which you just told me. Then… the fun part I asked him “You must have something in your system to send messages to the local offices, right? Could you send them a note please – to leave my packages – it’s not been a problem over the last two years”. He tells me sure, he can do it right now and I said I’d wait. Except for the fact that he didn’t. He is such a fucking shitty actor. I could tell that he was just sitting here counting to himself for maybe 15-20 seconds tops and comes back with “All done, message sent”. Bull. Fucking. Shit.
So you know what? I’ve gone back to Amazon and I’ve told them to note in my account to NEVER EVER use FedEx to ship to me again. If FedEx can’t be bothered to DO THEIR FUCKING JOB AND DELIVER THE FUCKING PACKAGE. They are a package DELIVERY company after all.
“Absolutely, Positively Overnight” my ass. More like “Absolute, Positively fucking late”
For those that say “Just pick it up from the local office”, I can’t. I work in SF, I don’t get off till 6pm at the earliest. The local FedEx office closes at 7:15pm. I might make it home by 7:15 on a good day. Besides, if I’m going to have to go pick my shit up, why bother ordering it in the first place? Best Buy is more convenient.