Dear FedEx, F!#$ YOU!!!

It never ceases to amaze me how much FedEx can fucking fail. They’re logistics department has got a complicated job, yes. They’ve got to get packages from Point A to Point B (which can be next door, across the country or around the world) in a timely manner on the cheap. From what I can tell, they do a decent job of it. The problem is the “last mile” as we call it in technology. Their delivery guys are fucking useless mother fucking idiots. It isn’t like this is the first time either.  Hell, I’ve even got photographic evidence of their stupidity.

What is it this time you wonder?

Unsuitable Location

You’re probably asking yourself, what the fuck does “Unsuitable location” mean?  Fuck if I know.  Fuck if FedEx’s customer disservice knows either.  I’ve been at my current location for 2 years now; I get a LOT of packages.  I do most, if not all, of my shopping online.  I get boxes via USPS, UPS, FedEx, DHL and even the occasional off brand delivery group.  I’ve never had a goddamn issue with the delivery folks leaving packages on my doorstep.  Until this week…

This past Wednesday saw the release of Final Fantasy XIV, something I have been very anxiously awaiting.  I had it pre-ordered on Amazon MONTHS ago with delivery date shipping.  I rush home just as quickly as I can Wednesday evening expecting a package at my door.  What do I find?  Woohoo, there’s a box from Amazon sitting on my front door.  Oh, and a FedEx door tag, don’t know what it could be for though, since I am not expecting anything signature required.  I happily rip open the box to find… BluRays.  So… the door tag… is for Final Fantasy XIV.

Now, the door tag says something strange.  It says “Unsuitable location”.  Well fuck you, I beg to differ.  There was a package.  On my doorstep.  FROM UP-FUCKING-S.  Why is my doorstep not good enough for you FedEx? You some kind of fucking elitist pricks now?  The day before, the United States Postal Service left a package at my doorstep.  A package that was sent FedEx SmartPost (which is slower than shit BTW).

I figure, this all must be some misunderstanding, so I call up FedEx Customer Service.  I ask them why the package wasn’t left – they didn’t know either.  I explained to them that this had never been a problem before, they had no idea.  Now, I was polite, very polite.  It must be some misunderstanding after all.  The lady was very nice and put down a note that the package SHOULD be delivered, name, phone number, etc.  I thought that was the end of that.

But by the fact that I’m writing YET ANOTHER POST ABOUT HOW MUCH FEDEX FUCKING BLOWS, you know that this didn’t end there.  I came home Thursday night to find… you guessed it, yet another fucking door tag.  Yet again, it is labeled “Unsuitable Location“. Now, I can understand if I’m being sent an iPhone, something signature required or something insured.  But I’m not.  It’s a fucking video game.  Yes, it’s dumb – but it’s my hobby and I’d like my goddamn game.

So I called FedEx Customer Disservice and got jerked around.  “Oh, it’s an apartment”, no… it’s not.  “Oh, you just have to sign for it”, but it’s not signature required – which you just told me.  Then… the fun part I asked him “You must have something in your system to send messages to the local offices, right? Could you send them a note please – to leave my packages – it’s not been a problem over the last two years”.  He tells me sure, he can do it right now and I said I’d wait.  Except for the fact that he didn’t.  He is such a fucking shitty actor.  I could tell that he was just sitting here counting to himself for maybe 15-20 seconds tops and comes back with “All done, message sent”.  Bull. Fucking. Shit.

So you know what? I’ve gone back to Amazon and I’ve told them to note in my account to NEVER EVER use FedEx to ship to me again.   If FedEx can’t be bothered to DO THEIR FUCKING JOB AND DELIVER THE FUCKING PACKAGE.  They are a package DELIVERY company after all.

Absolutely, Positively Overnight” my ass. More like “Absolute, Positively fucking late

For those that say “Just pick it up from the local office”, I can’t. I work in SF, I don’t get off till 6pm at the earliest. The local FedEx office closes at 7:15pm. I might make it home by 7:15 on a good day. Besides, if I’m going to have to go pick my shit up, why bother ordering it in the first place? Best Buy is more convenient.

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36 Responses

  1. Dave says:

    i live in michigan. i ordered a phone from safelink as i am disabled. the phone was picked up on dec 13 of this year by… fedex… and i was given a delivery date of the 16th of december. i thought “cool, they’re sending it straight to michigan(where it would be turned over to snail mail)”…. buuuut…….
    i get an email on the 16th that tells me the phone went to [email protected] GEORGIA and that it is going to be turned over to snail mail there. they also gave me a new delivery date of the 22nd. the next time i order something i will check to see who the company ships with. if it’s fedex tehn i will look elsewhere for a company with the same or similar product that gets delivered by ups

  2. I concur to this post. Whoever the asshat was that “attempted” to deliver my package earlier today didn’t ring the door bell, leave a notice, or anything. I get on amazon to track my package and it says “Delivery attempted.
    An attempt was made to deliver your package, but the business was closed. Please look for a notice of attempted delivery for the next steps.”

  3. Livia says:

    FedEx blows chunks. Their employees are the biggest f@&$#€g liars.

  4. Fuck you fedex you fucking cocksucking assclowns. You are a bunch of incompetent asswipes who lie from their twats. Go eat a dirty AIDS infected cunt rag. I hope you choke on it.

  5. Frank says:

    I think this February 29 we should ship packages containing unfrozen fish to bogus addresses and have them hold for the three days. Make sure you don’t put your real return address or you will get a surprise!

  6. Frank says:

    I have the same problem as you. I complained and now they want me to sign everything that comes to my door. They wont pay attention to the directions I give to the customer service advocate. All of this is because I asked them not to leave my packages on my neighbors doorstep and the driver got pissed at me and insulted me.

  7. Chuck says:

    Yes fedex sucks big donkey balls!!!! Fuckin stupid cunts. I have NEVER got a package on time from them. The Kingsport TN hub guys are the worst in the country. I drive a tractor trailer for a living. I drive in bad weather bad traffic & I’m NEVER late. If the sky gets cloudy the pussies shout weather delay. How the hell are these assholes still in business ? FUCK YOU FedEx goddamn pussies.

  8. [email protected] says:

    Been waiting a week for a package. Their web site finally said it was “out for delivery” so I waited ALL FRIGGING DAY. Finally, at 6:30 pm, after checking for the 100th time, tyey said it couldn’t be delivered because of weather. I guess if the weather farts in the least this becomes a viable excuse for tne delivery driver to take it easy for a day. Fucking lazy piece of shit. Never again.

  9. Kyle says:

    Have a package coming from FedEx, live on Michigan’s west coast the package gets picked up in illinois, so not far away and says it will be delivered sat, awesome! but i look at it sat and now it says it will be delivered tues? for some fucking reason it’s going to Utah?? Wtf!? Piss poor logistics no wonder things get damaged

  10. mike says:


  11. FedExNoMoreAndYourMothersAWhore says:

    Dear Fedex,

    Fuck you would be too nice for you Fuckers! Your CEO is a piece of shit to allow this company to exist.

    We are business and we send lots of packages to our customers for the holidays. That all depends on us getting the packages from our warehouse in time. That’s why we order everyday and pay an arm an a leg for fedex priority overnight. But fedex doesn’t give a shit! They don’t deliver our package on time, and when we call them, they lie that it’s on the truck, but it still doesn’t get delivered. Then they blame on the weather, on god, on the “volume”. I ask them, come on, hold my fucking package at the station and I’ll drive to pick it up, you lazy fucks! They tell me, it’s too late it’s on the truck you will get it in an hour. It’s already end of the day almost and we still don’t have our fucking package! Fedex is a piece of shit company and we ship 3000 packages a year with those fucks. Next year, UPS has our blessing. Fuck fedex fucks!

  12. Mike says:


  13. Fucking fuckex says:

    Fedex is fucking shitty!!! Ok, I check tracking and it says its 20 mins from my house and that it left at 1am. Ok fucking cool I get my fucking package today because its only 20 mins from my place and it left uour shitty fedex shit facility at 1am. Its now 6pm nothing!!!! Fuck fedex lazy far fuckers are worse than these local fat fucking PIG ass hill billiy cops!! Only 20 mins fron my house shit id pick it up my self u fat lazy turds!!!

  14. dil do says:

    Fuck these dumbass fuckers. I want my shit and i want it now. Dont make me fucking call your shitty ass customer service and ask where my shit is. If I pay for 3 day shipping, give me my shit in 3 days…..its quite simple actually…..and dont get me fucking started on SMARTPOST…biggest waste of my fucking time ever

  15. that guy says:

    Fuck them. Those fucking fuckers. They can eat my shit, then shit out shit, and then eat that shitty shit. Fuck them. I’m tired of their bullshit, and their stupid ass service. They should all go eat shit and die, fuck them.

  16. yj says:

    Yesss… for sure FEDEX is shittt.. fulll of shitt… they suckk money. stay away from fedex.

  17. junior says:

    FedEx are full of lying fxxx. Very rude customer service .Was informed item was out for delivery when it had been returned to Dartford depot because driver could not be bothered…
    I waited till 6:30pm for these bunch of hyenas; they then arranged for delivery next day before 12 and had the nerve to call it “an upgrade!”

    Date / Time Activity Location Items
    /10/2012 18:59 Delivery Delayed Dartford 1
    18:20 Items Tracked Dartford 1
    07:57 Out For Delivery Dartford 1

  18. Chris says:

    I ordered an item off amazon about 8 days now and choose 1-3 days for shipping. I tracked my package. By day 3 it had no activity of leaving the fedex faculty. Yesterday morning 7 days after I ordered it I was beyond pissed to get on to see that it had been not only 30 minutes from my house on Friday and Saturday but that of Sunday they moved it to a facility 2 hours from my house and that it could be another 2-5 days for delivery. Needless to say. NEVER USE FEDEX. You will be FEDUP

  19. C. Oezcan says:

    I just tried waiting for my package for the last 8 hours – and nothing has happened even though their system tells me that it will be delivered 6 pm on the 26th of September 2012. It’s now 7 pm and the system says that noone was a t home and they didn’t bother to know, ring the bell or call my number. Just awesome. I would have more respect if the system said; “we’re lazy and we’ll be back tomorrow”.

  20. khai says:

    FUCK FEDEX, my package is not here yet. Fucking 2 days now

    • Billy says:

      I know what you mean love how the fuck they just keep the package in 2 diffrent areas for 17-30hrs before it moves again..4 days and tomorrow makes 7 it only a 3 hr drive..
      Fuck you fedex,I swear I’m a ups guy now and wont order anything that gets delivered by fed dicks..

    • nivajj says:

      2 days? I have been waiting 16 days!!

  21. Mike says:

    Fed Ex Smart Post is pure shit. They will send your package to timbuktu and deliver it a week later damaged even if it just needs to go a few blocks up the street.

  22. Rob fern says:

    I hate these mother fuckers. Fucking pos driver did not even knock on the door after not probably hitting the mother fucking doorbell. The front office doors are now close and I am still waiting for this pod to bring my mother fucking package. I could just cut these assholes.

  23. HEMI MUSIC says:

    Just another reason why FedEx sucks balls:

    pass this on..make sure everyone knows they’re wack.

    • mkp says:

      fuck fed ex freight pricks

      • Pissed Off says:

        Those bastards left a tag on my door today, and I was in the house all fucking morning. I didn’t hear any knocking nor my doorbell ring. I call the stupid, incompetent customer service people, and they tell me, ok we can get someone to contact you to let you know if they can try to re-deliver my playstation. Fuckers never called me. On top of that, I can’t pick my system up from the actual facility because i work all day every day of the week. what am i supposed to fucking do? i have a small window of time where i can just sit at the house and do nothing and you goddamn assholes at Fed Ex don’t deliver my stuff?? FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKING pieces of shit. I hate this. thanks for ruining my weekend, you bitches.

  24. Robert Kennedy says:

    Where the FUCK can I select “SIGNATURE RQUIRED” for an overseas shipment via FUCKING Fed(up)Ex(girlfriend)??? Where THE FUCK!!??

  25. matt says:

    I work at fedex loading the vans. The drivers are the biggest assholes you will ever meet! I place the packages in there trucks and when they get there they stomp, throw, and even punt the boxes around bc there having a bad morning. FYI

  26. Baron Fizzwell says:

    At least your USPS works over there. Here, New Zealand Post sucks so hard and are such failures at doing they FUCKING EXIST TO DO, which is deliver your shit, they had to hire a private courier company to deliver my package. Maybe FedEx should have hired UPS to deliver your package to you in this case …

  27. Pe says:

    This is very interesting. I have been waiting for a very important package to be delivered by Fedex. In my extreme frustration trying to JUST GET tracking information, I googled “fucking fedex tracking” and found PAGES UPON PAGES of forums dedicated to the same complaints. I too contacted the company I ordered product from and told them I will discontinue buying products from them if they continue to use Fedex for their delivery of product. Fedex totally sucks. UPS and USPS – NO problems getting packages, and I get them delivered on a nearly weekly basis. This isn’t 1952 – women don’t stay home all day waiting for repairmen and deliveries. LEAVE THE fu—-g packages at our doors, thank you! I truly hate Fedex.

  28. LM says:

    Fedex ground has screwwed a good company into the ground. They try to deliver residential packages in the mis Am when NO ONE is at home. three strikes and you’re out with them. go the depot they don’t like you’re id’s give me a break it’s my stuff, i paid for it. redirect to my bus address they can’t agree if they can do that, but they know my address from caller ID. tell ALL your online suppliers
    ” Don’t ship my stuff FEDEX, they don’t deliver”

  29. Dan says:

    Little did you know at the time you wrote this that FedEx was actually doing you a favor by not delivering this shitty game! I preordered it months ago as well and can’t believe what a steaming turd it turned out to be.

  30. John says:

    Maybe they decided to keep it for themselves, like they did my TV…

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