Error: SQL1159 Initialization error with DB2 .NET Data Provider, reason code 10, tokens 0.0.0, 9.7.0

This past weekend I spent way too much time with Jon while trying to get our new work machines setup. Normally most of the time is spent waiting for Visual Studio to install (seriously that thing takes forever), but not so this time. DB2 kept refusing to work and play well with others. Specifically the driver that .NET uses to communicate with, and thus began several hours of googling and...